Mother of Four

When I was a high school teenager the overall message I got in my society was that children and pregnancy was a curse. I just learned at my twenty year high school reunion that a classmate of mine lived in a cement water ravine because her parents had all her belongings in a trash bag at the door when she arrived home from school one day. In her mind, being homeless was easier than asking her parents for help with pregnancy. At that time, early 90s, we were conditioned to see pregnancy as the ultimate worst lot in life. So naturally my idea of becoming a mother was distant, I'd say I didn't want to be, or that I would try it later on in life, but the stigma was so bad on teen moms I remained a virgin till long after high school graduation, then pressured my after high school-first real relationship, to marry me so we could  live as a family. He had already dropped out of the grid due to his own teen pregnancy, in where he was raising a baby alone at the time. 

There are several women who graduated with me who are still not moms, at age 38-39, and are glad they never had children, sad they never had children, still trying but slowly giving up hope they ever will. I always said I'd never have any then at 21 I had massive baby fever

 and I purposely had my first. I intended that I would become a mother on purpose and give my daughter everything I lacked emotionally as a child... Only to raise a girl who needed different love than what I thought she would. 

My own mother has three children, I thought I'd have my one in 1998 and be done. 

Today,  I have four biological children that bless my life in ways I never thought possible. It's been almost a year since the baby was delivered over a month early, my first and only preemie. The littlest of all my babies, being born just 4 pounds. Her father correctly predicted she'd grow to be the biggest little, and at 11 months and 31 inches tall, she is. 

Multicultural Kids

This afternoon on the way home my son Jacob started getting upset as I drove. I asked what was wrong and he gave me an answer in jibberish. I asked, WHAT?! 

Ilanah chimes in with, "Gadgey speaks in Spanish when him's mad."

My little nuggets are so hilarious. 

"Daddy's Baby"

Last night as I was putting the toddlers to bed, Ilanah,  asked what were we going to name daddy's baby. 

Without missing a beat I responded, "hmmm, not sure... Think about a really cute name as you drift into sleep, let's pick a really good name !" She smiled, agreed then woke up to tell me she had a few suggestions. 

Daddy has a pregnancy belly that has developed over the years, beer belly I guess you could say...

When you take into consideration that Ilanah has witnessed me go through two pregnancies, then it makes perfect sense that her father, who has been pregnant a very long time, should be giving birth soon. She even asks him how he's feeling, and loves on the belly just like she did with mine before her brother and sister were born. 

She is so serious, I asked if she really believed there was a baby in there, her response, "duh."

He is my one and only Son

For most of my life my olfactory sense has been gone, it is both a curse and a blessing. When my pregnancy with my son began all of a sudden I could smell again, not so much anymore, his was the only pregnancy in which that change occurred. 

Fast forward to present day reality, I call him hound dog nose. Jacob is just past the two and a half years mark and very serious about six things, lemonade, his cowboy, (a blanket with a cowboy theme) make-up and nail polish (like his 15 year old diva sister and 4 year old princess sister) football, cheerleaders, and the way everything smells. I've caught him on numerous occasions standing directly at my butt crack sniffing me. I dread the day he does that to company!! 

Cowboy always has to smell good or I hear about it and am directed to wash it immediately, even if we are not actually home. It's his best friend and he has personified that blanket unlike me who only used my blankie for it's silky edges till he was born. (True story, my mom made me give it up) 

So this morning Jacob comes to the bed and as usual doesn't want anything to do with daddy because "DADDY ALWAYS SMELLS LIKE POO POO. "

But little did Jacob know that Daddy and I had a plan to get this little boy to be more accepting of his Daddy's sent. Daddy was wearing Mommy's deodorant and asked Jacob to sniff his armpit, he was surprised that infact Daddy wasn't stinky but smelled good like Mommy!!! 

Score one for Daddy!!

I hope he gets over the blanket long before he turns 35. 

Here he is wearing cowboy and that's how he holds a certain corner that he rubs on his face, we do a smell check daily. 

Soul Connections

The people who we meet in life are our teachers, they are always either an example of what to do and what not to do. I've been blessed with a balanced lot and two of my soul connections are people who literally saw my picture on different websites and were compelled to write me and I wrote back.
One of these people who I believe is part of my soul family, was a female in February of 2003, the other a male in October of 2006. These two wonder-souls have been my shoulder when I thought I was all alone, and the two people who I could share my soul with completely without the fear of judgement or rejection. They are exactly the type of people I strive to be just like. They are exquisite examples of what to do.
You know how most people we meet are in our circles, and most are seasonal? Well these people found me even though I was no where near their circle, and we are no where near one another but we relate on a universal level in so many ways. I doubt that they are just part of a season for me, I'm a patient person, I know timing isn't always easy to stay connected but we manage to give one another the space we need to continue living, yet stay very connected.
I'm beyond grateful for these two beautiful, loving, committed, selfless people. Their effect on my life will never fade and has had a lasting affect on who I am.

La Vida Loca

Here's one thing I learned about myself over the summer, I never want to be a stay at home mom. Why? you ask. Simple: it's too hard. Being a parent is fun and rewarding, of course, but staying home and being with the two toddlers, 24/7 is super wear and tear on the soul. It's never a dull moment. Honestly with as much crying as I had to endure, I felt like a failure most days.
I love my babies, I am so impressed by them and I'm so excited to see them in their school age era.
My mom is superwoman.
No wonder moms and dads throughout history have celebrated back to school, I get it now. As a teacher, I'm putting in my time to be the relief parents need from their kids!!
I'm so grateful for Ms. Tree and Ms. Day who lovingly teach my munchkins at their school.

My solid foundation

I am so utterly grateful for the foundation that I was blessed with. I was born into a family of loving parents that gifted me an opportunity to figure it all out. My parents taught me acceptance, unconditional love, and taught me everything I needed to know in order to become a successful adult and parent.
I'm also grateful for evolution. I look down at my initial blog entry and it hardly resonates with me today. I'm standing in a new perspective because my thoughts have shifted and I have awakened.
Thankful for parents who love me, cheer me on, pray for me. I couldn't ask for anything more, although at times I do, and they are always there to lend a helping hand.